Heck? I’m perplexed about this one. I have mixed reactions. What the hell? I’ll just give you both of them.

Average length, average width, average color, average head, average, average, average. I should stop here and say 2.5 of 5, but let’s look at the details that set a dick apart in the world:

Length is average, but that’s not a bad thing. If you use that average length right, it can still rock my world. If you know how to position your hips at just the right angle to hit just the right spot, you have plenty of cock to slide right into my g spot and make me scream for more.

Girth is average, maybe a little thicker than average. That’s a good thing. I want to feel a little stretch as you enter my tight little pussy, and I want my pretty little pussy to be tight around your dick as you slide in and out.

Head is nice. It isn’t morosely bigger than the shaft, but bigger enough to be pronounced, and clearly defined. That means I have something to run my tongue around when I have my lips wrapped around your cock, sliding them up and down the shaft, and then up and over the head, and then back down again.

Color is nice! Probably your best asset! Some dicks are purple, or blue, or red. Yours is a nice fleshy color that makes me think of vanilla ice cream. I like vanilla ice cream. I could spend some serious time licking that spoonful.

And now for the negatives- what are those little white balls on the end? Did you just pull a sock off of your dick? Is it fuzz? Do you need to wash it? There’s a clinical term for the accumulation of white crud on an uncircumcised dick. It’s called cheesum. I guess it could apply to circumcised penises, too. And what are those bumps going down it? Are they zits? Do they pop? Because I might get distracted by then and start squeezing. While these may Be skin issues that you can’t help, surely there is some way to minimize them. The bumps might not be so noticeable without the shining white spots flashing like a neon sign on the top of your dick.

All in all, I see a fuckable dick, in the shower. That white shit is worrisome. If it’s sock fuzz, and your have athletes foot, then you put that inside me, can you imagine the fallout? I vote we fuck in the shower, Henk. If we can do that, I say 2/5.

This looks like a perfect dick for kinky sex, henk. Do you like it kinky? I do….? I think we should have hot, king sex all day long, then all night long. As long as your up for that, I’ll rate you 3.5/5. Deal?

I probably only speak for a small portion of the masses, Henk, but it is my professional opinion that there is such a thing as too big of a cock. You, however, have a just right sized cock. Why do I say this? Because I could comfortable handle your cock from any position, and in any hole. This makes fucking tons more fun!

Your width might be a little larger than average, though, I must say, Henk. Maybe it’s just the camera angle, but that looks wider than the average dick. I don’t think it’s wide enough to hinder my ability to take you cock and have some anal fun with it. I just mean that it’s wide enough that I’m going to know that my ass had a cock in it. Do you like anal, Henk? I do…and that’s strange, I hear, because I am NOT a big girl. I like anal because it’s so much tighter for you, and because it leaves my pussy and clit free for you to play with with your fingers. There’s no better orgasm than the one that comes from you sliding your cock in and out of my ass while rubbing my clit with one hand and fingering me with the other. Are you coordinated enough for that, Henk? Or would I need to help you by masturbating while you fuck me in my ass?

Length looks very nice. Even though that’s not a 10 foot dick, it’s exactly what I like! Long dicks hurt. Long dicks make some extremely fun positions impossible. Super long dicks make me feel bad when I can’t get them all into my mouth. Yours, though, Henk? I could put that perfectly sized dick in my mouth and suck it from tip to base, no problem. It’s so much more enjoyable to watch when my mouth is just as good of a fuck as my pussy, or my ass.

You also have a very nice head on your dick, Henk. It reminds me of a ski slope in the way that it curves downward, then slightly up at the end, just before it meets your shaft. I could have some fun with your little ski slope and my tongue, and I’m positive that you would enjoy it. By the time I am finished riding that slope, you will be throbbing so hard that you will be begging me to let you cum….but not before you put that cock in my round, luscious ass. It’s so rare that I find a dick so perfect for my cute, round, ass. I wanna make sure I get all the cum out of it that I can! (Hey, Henk! Ya know what? When you cum in my ass, it will make it even wetter than it already is. Then you have a tight, super wet canal to thrust your cock in and out of!)

I have SO many other kinky ideas for that dick of yours, Henk, but that’s probably enough for now. I’ll let you think about that for a while before unloading any more on you. Meanwhile, think about my perfectly round ass cheeks and my super tight asshole while your stroking that amazing cock, k? ?

I’m not sure how to say any of this nicely. Your cock sucks. No…not “I want to suck your cock.” Your cock sucks. It’s bad. It’s not round. It’s not long. It’s not super smooth. You don’t have mega balls. You caught a bad break there, man. Let’s look at specifics, from bottom to top:

First, ya gotta do some manscaping, Henk. All of that bushy pubic hair doesn’t help the overall appearance of your not so great dick. You might even look bigger if you trimmed that shit down. More importantly, let’s look at it functionally. If your eating my pussy, with your tongue stroking my clit round and round, do you want a mouthful of hair to fight with just to be able to lick my clit? NO! Do you think I want a mouthful of hair when I’m sucking your dick? No! But with the look you got goin on now, I’m gonna get one ?.

Second, what’s with the bumps? That could cause alarm bells to go off in my head when I run my tongue ever so slightly up from your balls to the underside of your shaft, and then up your shaft to your head, but I feel bumpy spots all up the cock road. Are they zits? Do you need to exfoliate? Is it a rash? I really don’t mean to be mean, but that’s something that should be explained before it’s seen, if it’s a skin condition that isn’t fixable. (I once almost fucked a guy with a skin tag on his dick. I thought it was a wart. I immediately stopped what I was doing and left. I later learned that it was a skin tag, but that whole scenario could’ve been avoided with one short, awkward, honest conversation. “Hey? Don’t freak out. I have a mole on my cock,” would’ve done the trick.) I only aim to save you any awkward moments, or mortification.

Third, what are the white fuzzies on the tip of your dick? Was that an accident? Did you have a sock on your dick and you forgot to knock the sock fuzz off it it? Or is that just cock crud? Are they the same as the bumps on the shaft? Or will it wipe off? While not as alarming as the bumps, definitely not going to make me think “oh my God I haven’t lived until I’ve climbed up on that dick and fucked it to death.”

If you could take care of these simple, hygiene issues, then I think you could probably have a decent sex life, but until these things are dealt with, your dick sucks. Once you tend to these things, then characteristics like length, width, and tone can be addressed. Until then, your a 2/5. (I’m giving you one point for having the balls to send a pic in)